Wednesday, March 30, 2011

let's go let go

tonight as i was trying to conquer my mount everest pile of dishes in the sink when i looked over at bayley.
she was on the couch watching caillou and eating yogurt and i thought to myself  "i wish i didn't have to use the tv as a babysitter" 
oh well, sometimes it just happens and she's entertained.  i started to feel okay with it, after all it was caillou. he's very nice and it's sort of educational as well.  just about the time i justified her tv watching  i glanced back over.
I found my just bathed, little angel, finger painting with her whole body her table with her organic vanilla yogurt.
like ALL OVER everything. 
i remained calm, explained why we don't do that and cleaned up.
and a little while earlier, while bayley was watching Tangled.  she did this to her face and told me she put on lipstick.

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my conclusion is that tv's make horrible babysitters and shouldn't be trusted.

which draws me to my other conclusion which is:
2 year olds are crazy and "letting go" of things seems to work.
i'm picking my battles, lowering my expectations and knowing that 99% of the time i have something planned in my head it's not going to happen exactly that way.  and that's okay, because i can be flexible. and other people can be flexible too!
and not feel guilty 
that's the tricky one, but i think that letting go of guilt brings so much peace and inner joy to life.
i know so.
i proved it tonight, after a long day of "letting go"
i laid with bayley and was able to just be.  in the moment, with no fear or worries or thoughts. 
and honestly, that was my first time there. 

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it was pure bliss and i'm goin back again.

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“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.”



- Oprah Winfrey




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Peace  (those are bayley's peace signs)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

tweaking is good

i am so ready for bed.  i'm going to bed with bayley tonight, she might get a bath if i can keep my eyes open.

i went to bed at 2 last night and bayley woke up at 630 ready to greet the day.  i had to greet the day too, although my greeting was more like grumbling and irritablility.  i had 2 cups of coffee and after bayley pleaded me not to be tired, i peeled my body off the couch.  it was a slow go, but i started getting some momentum.  i realized that this might be the only way to get into a different routine that works for us.  i had to do some tweaking and it was not pretty.  but it was a beautiful day and i decided to get out and take bayley for a power walk in the jogger.  she hesitated, but i wouldn't take no for an answer.  we walked 2 miles. she loved it so much, she fell asleep.  yay, no nap struggles!  tweeking was working.

then i proceeded to work on this...

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i made this yummy asparagas wrap

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and we danced
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we even did some family yoga and stood on our heads

we made a pizza
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and yummy cookies
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and relaxed with our cat who really knows how to live the good life
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and my favorite part was when bayley picked up a big ol worm.  everyday we go outside and look under the same rock for bugs, everyday we find worms and baby snails.  but today my girl reached down and picked up this guy and it was like her pet. 

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it's really hard to change the way we are, especially when most of us do the same things everyday, in the same order for the same reasons.  changing course is painful and awkward and uses new brain muscles or something like that.  but what's the point of doing the same old thing if we are unhappy with the results.  better to exercise those new muscles and hurt for a few days than to stay comfortably uncomfortable. 
so here's to tweaking things !! 

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions. ~Ellen Glasgow

Monday, March 28, 2011

day 2 declutter and more

having a glass of red wine sitting at my desk which is piled with stuff almost so much that i can't move my mouse.  things are getting done, i'm just sticking to the fact that i really can't do it all and i need to be a responsible prioritizer.  everything will get done....sooner than later.  i'm going through my house with big black trash bags and asking myself if i really want to keep caring for the item or if it's better off gone.  adam is doing it too, it's kind of a fun couples activity.

"less stuff, less space, more life"  - some danish guy on oprah
i'm danish, bring it on!!

today bayley blayed with a box of seashells for like over an hour, it made me so happy to watch her amazement and reverence for nature instead of watching tv.  don't get me wrong she watched the wizard of oz like twice.  we're taking baby steps.  oh and we canceled our cable woohoo!!!  bumped up our internet speed and it's saving us 50 bucks a month.  we will have more time and more money, win win if you ask me.  the only channel i loved was the food network, oh well i'll just cook more instead. 

speaking of food.  this was my dinner tonight.  inspired by the movie eat pray love 

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bayley had sweet potatoes, corn, egg and cucumbers (i have given up on trying to make new things she "might" like.  if it's somewhat healthy, she can have it.)

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oh and an amazing chocolate ice cream bar from maga for dessert. these are incredible!!

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well i'm up past my curfew again.  first i said i'd be in bed by 1030, then 1130, now it's almost midnight.  why can't i go to bed??  i have no self control, there are too many things i could be doing.  i'm a night owl. 
okay, shower  then bed. now. 

oh wait i wanted to write about our family date on saturday night. (see how i trick myself)

so Adam took us out to this amazing indian restaurant and we went to the mall and for ice cream.
it was perfect, and the food was AMAZING!!!  bayley loved it. she loves chinese, japanese, vietnamese, korean and indian. i'm so proud : )

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my new vera bradley items : )  lunchbag and makeup bag
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i LOVE this song!!  (ain't no reason by brett dennan)  thanks honey.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

encourage and declutter

our house looks like we're moving or maybe like a tornado hit? 

wow i have a lot of stuff, i can't wait to get rid of anything i don't find beautiful or useful.

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~Hans Hofmann

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today i went to church with my friend Ashley and it was so refreshing, so peaceful. listening to the pastor speak about our "word" was encouraging and scary. we hold so much power in our words. we can be encouraging or discouraging. i want to be more encouraging. even if it may not seem to make sense or be possible, i don't think encouragement ever hurts.

to myself: you're on the right track Abbey. remember progression, not perfection and to thine own self be true.


to Adam: i am sorry i doubted your superhero couch moving powers.
great job honey.
we are a really good decluttering duo.

and to Ashley: thank you for helping me today and encouraging me when i was about to give up.  it truly meant so much to me.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

random reflection

this afternoon i was laying on the couch reading a book called radical acceptance and it was talking about fear and how we are conditioned to fear at a very young age. a mom scowls at her child or the parents are unaccepting of the child and thus the child becomes fearful . if the negative behavior that causes the fear happens continuasly for a long period of time the child will grow up with a sense of fear. this happens on all levels, from mild fear to disabling anxiety. so as i was reading, bayley asked me to put on the wizard of oz. i was frustrated because i had just put on a movie for her and she changed her mind. as i held the dvd up my reflection in it almost knocked me out. i was borderline scowling and i didn't even know it. how could i be so clueless i was making such a harsh face? all those wrinkles were being more and more defined and who knows what bayley thinks of this face i make. so the first step to changing something is to acknowledge it. i'm grateful i saw my not so pretty reflection in my wizard of oz dvd today. i know everyone has grumpy faces, it's part of life. i just can't help but think that not only do our expressions have an effect on others, but ourselves as well. i'm sure our souls can feel us smiling and frowning and act accordingly.

what faces do you not know you're making throughout the day??

Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles. ~George Eliot


“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
Thich Nhat Hanh


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Friday, March 25, 2011

today

today i:
deep cleaned one of my bathrooms and got rid of tons of stuff i don't use
ate a dark green leafy vegetable for dinner (puple kale is so yummy and healthy)
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yummy crockpot spaghetti sauce my mom made mmmmmmm...

didn't lose my cool with bayley when she wouldn't go so sleep
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rescued another snail
went for 2 walks
took my vitamins
vaccumed our room and the cat chair
took a nap

i feel good : )

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: "I am with you kid. Let's go." ~Maya Angelou


ok, now it's time for a movie and snuggling with adam
gnight

Thursday, March 24, 2011

enjoying gray skies and life

Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby. ~Langston Hughes


tonight, bayley had a hard time falling asleep because she was too hot. it's been cool and rainy which means windows closed and the heat on and too little fresh air. so i layed down a cool, clean, crisp sheet for her to lay on and opened her big window in her room. we fell asleep listening to the rain and wind and splashing of tires. it was truly one of the most relaxing experiences ever. fresh, rain kissed air was just what our evening souls needed.

oh, that and chocolate cupcakes. souls also need chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.

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and on a wagon ride we saved a snail. this made my girl so proud. it is a baby girl snail named sally and she lives in the backyard now where she won't get "skwissed".

my mom took this picture, isn't it so cute. i can picture bayley at 40 now, maybe as a librarian or school teacher. i am so grateful my mom can come visit often and she helps us so much. our family is so lucky. you know my mom has been here cause the dishes and laundry are caught up.


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tonight bayley asked me what i was grateful for as we were going to bed. i said "life" and she said "what does life mean mama?" great question to explore teacher bayley!!

to be continued...

what does "life" mean to you?


All men should strive
to learn before they die
what they are running from, and to, and why.
~James Thurber

spring loves and eyeball tacos

lately i've been practicing the art of non judgement (very difficult task in our society), not only of others and of things but of myself. not to think of something as good or bad, but just as it is. it's all our personal opinion. like today i got a taco from this authentic mexican restaurant and they served weird tacos like head and tounge and eye. of course adventurous me thought "ok, i'll try the steamed beef and pork." three quarters through the beef taco a slimy piece of eyeball slid across my tongue. and i almost puked, but i kept thinking why was it so much worse to eat eyeball than filet or rump? some people like cow eyeballs and thats fine, i know that i don't, but i won't judge. i just won't eat it.

so speaking of eyeball tacos, don't you just love spring?
it's full of hope and so am i. i love all the colors and lush green grass and wild flowers on the side of the freeways. it's fresh and rainy and sunny and it's on it's way to summer.

i love the new spring dresses by tea for little girls,  they are all cotton knit and feel super comfy.  Thanks mom
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pure happiness for days for 1.69

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i will always idolize martha, she is awesome

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no i didn't get a bunny, i got an ipad though!!!  thank you mr. and mrs. clinton



"You must not ever stop being whimsical. And you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life."



— Mary Oliver

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

hello day one

tonight bayley and i danced and danced and danced and spun in circles.  she said "look mommy the ground is moving"  and i thought about it for a minute and was like ya, it is.  it's all in our perspective.  as i shifted my perspective, spinning in circles soon became a lot more fun.  like we were on a giant merry go round and we were going dang fast.  so i thought that was really cool.  it's just one of the many times a day my girl teaches me and most days i feel like she teaches me way more than i teach her. 

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after her bath at night i wrap her up like a mummy and steal as many kisses as i can, tonight i was sure i was going to eat her cute little cheeks off.  she oh so seriously looked at me and said "mom, you can't eat my cheeks.  you can eat celery though."  oh how i love her.

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i have been blessed with the worst sinus infection of my life (well or maybe the only one, not sure)
and i'm not being sarcastic.  it truly has been my wake up call to slow the hell down and start putting my true priorities first.  you see i like to live in a little town called Denial and somehow i'm realizing that this place is just not working out for me.  i like to be in denial and think that i can do everything, and i can't.  it's impossible.  so i'm striving for balance and not perfection.  i like this new town called Reality, its' kinda weird cause i don't really know my way around, but i'm gonna know it like the back of my hand in no time.  i'm gonna know everyone and live in a yellow house and know that sucky things happen and thats okay because i know it's not about the sucky things but how i will rise to the occasion and get through the obstacles.  thats what counts.


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so i'm introducing my 30 days til 30 project.  it is about self improvement and working on the things that truly matter.  we shall see where this goes, i can't wait!!

a post a day, with  inspiration and mindfulness everyday

hello day one, i welcome you with an open heart


Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.



Walter Anderson
 
and let me say that this would not be possible without the love, kindness and encouragement from my wonderful husband.  i love you Adam  
 "i love it when you contain me" -perfect couples
(we are soooo the cool couple)

Friday, March 11, 2011

back home

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Home is not where you live but where they understand you. ~Christian Morgenstern