Saturday, July 30, 2011


today we dropped bayley off at a new drop in daycare for the first time(i had to talk myself out of a panic attack) and as i expressed my upset with adam his oh so "adamlike" response was "it's only for an hour, they can't do too much damage" oh how i love his choice of words in these moments. at first it ticks me off but then it makes me laugh and lighten up. he gets me.

we started our new gentle yet firm "discipline" plan for bayley/us
we have so much going on, but some how this whole discipline thing has been hanging over my head like a dark cloud and eating away at me. i don't believe in punishments, but what i do believe in are consequences. life is one big set of consequences and if i can help my child learn how to deal with them then bring it on. i want to teach bayley that she is responsible for herself so she knows that she always has the power and choice in any given situation. i want her to take full responsibility for her actions and know that with any choice comes a consequence. i want her to feel empowered and know that her choices are amazing tools that can guide her to her dreams. that mistakes are forgiveable and we should learn from them, not hide them. i want her to know that she can accomplish anything she wants in life. i want her to have self discipline, self confidence and control over her emotions.
the funny thing is that this whole teaching her right from wrong is just as much about teaching myself right from wrong. i'm disciplining myself just as much as i am disciplining her. i might not dump cat food all over the floor or kick and scream over a cookie not had (well actually....) but i have just as much learning to do as she does. and i can say that it's extremely humbling, difficult and amazing all at the same time.

"I knew from feelings that I had to do something. And I did it. And I did it well. I did what made me feel better tomorrow even though it was very, very painful at the time. The result was beneficial. Doing those things today that feel good tomorrow."

~Thomas D. Willhite~

Friday, July 22, 2011

right now

right now i'm hungry
i've been browsing recipes and stumbled upon a salvadorean sauerkraut called curtido that i really want to make
and i also want to try the combination of smoked salmon, creme fraich and dill on rye toasts
oh and we are moving to missouri
i've never been to missouri, and i've never lived outside of southern california
this is going to be quite an adventure

my brain feels like the new york city subway system, things coming and going and it basically feels like it will never stop.  unless something crashes, and that is quite likely.
between potty training, baby root canals, moving across country in a month and trying to remain in somewhat of a routine i feel um..........slightly overwhelmed.  and i'm really good at being overwhelmed, sometimes i think i secretly like it or thrive on it.  except now, i really don't want to feel so crazed.  i'm trying to accept the fact that life isn't going to be "done" until i die.  and even then i will move onto a different life or realm with a different definition of "done". 
i'm always thinking "oh i'll be so happy when___________ happens"  but the more i wish ______ to happen the more i'm wasting away my present moment.   and there is always beauty in the present moment.
 i often get caught up in a really happy moment and want to bottle it up and put it on a shelf.  maybe thats why i have 2000 pictures i've taken from this month alone.  being in the present moment is the easiest thing and the hardest thing.  it requires no material objects, and it can be done anywhere with anyone or no one. i believe that the present moment is awareness and an honesty with oneself.   and that can be painful. 
sometimes i will be watching bayley play and dance and sing and i love it so much that it actually hurts sometimes because i know that it won't be that way forever.  so i have to remind myself of the delicate balance of it all.  being in the moment, planning for a beautiful future and knowing that the past exists only to teach us. 


Our life depends on the kind of thoughts we nurture. If our thoughts are peaceful, calm, meek, and kind, then that is what our life is like. If our attention is turned to the circumstances in which we live, we are drawn into a whirlpool of thoughts and can have neither peace nor tranquility.

Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica

bayley said "mom come look!!"  and this is what i found


"this is such a pretty world"   -bayley


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

life 101

ahhhhhh  clicking that little blue button that says "new post" make my heart flutter. 

i have been quite busy and although i always seem to make room for my blogging, i have had some other matters to attend to.  i call it...
 life 101
lately i have been busy practicing the art of having an open mind and breaking bad habits.
 it's been really challenging yet extremely rewarding. 
i am learning that mistakes happen and i can choose to learn from them and move on or i can dwell on the crap.

i read A LOT and i've been noticing that all the books i read seem to have very similar concepts.  one being "like attracts like"  positive energy brings more positive energy and it's almost exponential.
i'm trying to focus like crazy on the good and accept the bad, learn from it and move on.

so here are some of my "tools" i've been using to help with my journey towards inner peace.

the artist's way

a course in miracles

non violent communication practice groups

dr wayne dyer

the concious parent

less wine and more vitamins

and a really good counselor and God.


so we have also been traveling and celebrating birthdays and time is just flying by!!
i can't "catch up" on pictures right now but i'm back at the blog




i can't believe that my baby is 3 years old!!

it's good to be back

Remind yourself that the greatest technique for bringing peace into your life is to always choose being kind when you have a choice between being right or being kind. This is the single most effective method I know for having a sense of peace. And you have that choice in all your interactions.    -wayne dyer