tweaking is good

i am so ready for bed.  i'm going to bed with bayley tonight, she might get a bath if i can keep my eyes open.

i went to bed at 2 last night and bayley woke up at 630 ready to greet the day.  i had to greet the day too, although my greeting was more like grumbling and irritablility.  i had 2 cups of coffee and after bayley pleaded me not to be tired, i peeled my body off the couch.  it was a slow go, but i started getting some momentum.  i realized that this might be the only way to get into a different routine that works for us.  i had to do some tweaking and it was not pretty.  but it was a beautiful day and i decided to get out and take bayley for a power walk in the jogger.  she hesitated, but i wouldn't take no for an answer.  we walked 2 miles. she loved it so much, she fell asleep.  yay, no nap struggles!  tweeking was working.

then i proceeded to work on this...



i made this yummy asparagas wrap



and we danced


we even did some family yoga and stood on our heads

we made a pizza


and yummy cookies


and relaxed with our cat who really knows how to live the good life


and my favorite part was when bayley picked up a big ol worm.  everyday we go outside and look under the same rock for bugs, everyday we find worms and baby snails.  but today my girl reached down and picked up this guy and it was like her pet. 





it's really hard to change the way we are, especially when most of us do the same things everyday, in the same order for the same reasons.  changing course is painful and awkward and uses new brain muscles or something like that.  but what's the point of doing the same old thing if we are unhappy with the results.  better to exercise those new muscles and hurt for a few days than to stay comfortably uncomfortable. 
so here's to tweaking things !! 

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions. ~Ellen Glasgow

day 2 declutter and more

having a glass of red wine sitting at my desk which is piled with stuff almost so much that i can't move my mouse.  things are getting done, i'm just sticking to the fact that i really can't do it all and i need to be a responsible prioritizer.  everything will get done....sooner than later.  i'm going through my house with big black trash bags and asking myself if i really want to keep caring for the item or if it's better off gone.  adam is doing it too, it's kind of a fun couples activity.

"less stuff, less space, more life"  - some danish guy on oprah
i'm danish, bring it on!!

today bayley blayed with a box of seashells for like over an hour, it made me so happy to watch her amazement and reverence for nature instead of watching tv.  don't get me wrong she watched the wizard of oz like twice.  we're taking baby steps.  oh and we canceled our cable woohoo!!!  bumped up our internet speed and it's saving us 50 bucks a month.  we will have more time and more money, win win if you ask me.  the only channel i loved was the food network, oh well i'll just cook more instead. 

speaking of food.  this was my dinner tonight.  inspired by the movie eat pray love 



bayley had sweet potatoes, corn, egg and cucumbers (i have given up on trying to make new things she "might" like.  if it's somewhat healthy, she can have it.)



oh and an amazing chocolate ice cream bar from maga for dessert. these are incredible!!



well i'm up past my curfew again.  first i said i'd be in bed by 1030, then 1130, now it's almost midnight.  why can't i go to bed??  i have no self control, there are too many things i could be doing.  i'm a night owl. 
okay, shower  then bed. now. 

oh wait i wanted to write about our family date on saturday night. (see how i trick myself)

so Adam took us out to this amazing indian restaurant and we went to the mall and for ice cream.
it was perfect, and the food was AMAZING!!!  bayley loved it. she loves chinese, japanese, vietnamese, korean and indian. i'm so proud : )







my new vera bradley items : )  lunchbag and makeup bag








i LOVE this song!!  (ain't no reason by brett dennan)  thanks honey.

encourage and declutter

our house looks like we're moving or maybe like a tornado hit? 

wow i have a lot of stuff, i can't wait to get rid of anything i don't find beautiful or useful.

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~Hans Hofmann



today i went to church with my friend Ashley and it was so refreshing, so peaceful. listening to the pastor speak about our "word" was encouraging and scary. we hold so much power in our words. we can be encouraging or discouraging. i want to be more encouraging. even if it may not seem to make sense or be possible, i don't think encouragement ever hurts.

to myself: you're on the right track Abbey. remember progression, not perfection and to thine own self be true.


to Adam: i am sorry i doubted your superhero couch moving powers.
great job honey.
we are a really good decluttering duo.

and to Ashley: thank you for helping me today and encouraging me when i was about to give up.  it truly meant so much to me.

random reflection

this afternoon i was laying on the couch reading a book called radical acceptance and it was talking about fear and how we are conditioned to fear at a very young age. a mom scowls at her child or the parents are unaccepting of the child and thus the child becomes fearful . if the negative behavior that causes the fear happens continuasly for a long period of time the child will grow up with a sense of fear. this happens on all levels, from mild fear to disabling anxiety. so as i was reading, bayley asked me to put on the wizard of oz. i was frustrated because i had just put on a movie for her and she changed her mind. as i held the dvd up my reflection in it almost knocked me out. i was borderline scowling and i didn't even know it. how could i be so clueless i was making such a harsh face? all those wrinkles were being more and more defined and who knows what bayley thinks of this face i make. so the first step to changing something is to acknowledge it. i'm grateful i saw my not so pretty reflection in my wizard of oz dvd today. i know everyone has grumpy faces, it's part of life. i just can't help but think that not only do our expressions have an effect on others, but ourselves as well. i'm sure our souls can feel us smiling and frowning and act accordingly.

what faces do you not know you're making throughout the day??

Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles. ~George Eliot


“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
Thich Nhat Hanh

today

today i:
deep cleaned one of my bathrooms and got rid of tons of stuff i don't use
ate a dark green leafy vegetable for dinner (puple kale is so yummy and healthy)

yummy crockpot spaghetti sauce my mom made mmmmmmm...

didn't lose my cool with bayley when she wouldn't go so sleep

rescued another snail
went for 2 walks
took my vitamins
vaccumed our room and the cat chair
took a nap

i feel good : )

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: "I am with you kid. Let's go." ~Maya Angelou


ok, now it's time for a movie and snuggling with adam
gnight

enjoying gray skies and life

Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby. ~Langston Hughes


tonight, bayley had a hard time falling asleep because she was too hot. it's been cool and rainy which means windows closed and the heat on and too little fresh air. so i layed down a cool, clean, crisp sheet for her to lay on and opened her big window in her room. we fell asleep listening to the rain and wind and splashing of tires. it was truly one of the most relaxing experiences ever. fresh, rain kissed air was just what our evening souls needed.

oh, that and chocolate cupcakes. souls also need chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.











and on a wagon ride we saved a snail. this made my girl so proud. it is a baby girl snail named sally and she lives in the backyard now where she won't get "skwissed".

my mom took this picture, isn't it so cute. i can picture bayley at 40 now, maybe as a librarian or school teacher. i am so grateful my mom can come visit often and she helps us so much. our family is so lucky. you know my mom has been here cause the dishes and laundry are caught up.




tonight bayley asked me what i was grateful for as we were going to bed. i said "life" and she said "what does life mean mama?" great question to explore teacher bayley!!

to be continued...

what does "life" mean to you?


All men should strive
to learn before they die
what they are running from, and to, and why.
~James Thurber

spring loves and eyeball tacos

lately i've been practicing the art of non judgement (very difficult task in our society), not only of others and of things but of myself. not to think of something as good or bad, but just as it is. it's all our personal opinion. like today i got a taco from this authentic mexican restaurant and they served weird tacos like head and tounge and eye. of course adventurous me thought "ok, i'll try the steamed beef and pork." three quarters through the beef taco a slimy piece of eyeball slid across my tongue. and i almost puked, but i kept thinking why was it so much worse to eat eyeball than filet or rump? some people like cow eyeballs and thats fine, i know that i don't, but i won't judge. i just won't eat it.

so speaking of eyeball tacos, don't you just love spring?
it's full of hope and so am i. i love all the colors and lush green grass and wild flowers on the side of the freeways. it's fresh and rainy and sunny and it's on it's way to summer.

i love the new spring dresses by tea for little girls,  they are all cotton knit and feel super comfy.  Thanks mom





pure happiness for days for 1.69


i will always idolize martha, she is awesome


no i didn't get a bunny, i got an ipad though!!!  thank you mr. and mrs. clinton



"You must not ever stop being whimsical. And you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life."



— Mary Oliver

hello day one

tonight bayley and i danced and danced and danced and spun in circles.  she said "look mommy the ground is moving"  and i thought about it for a minute and was like ya, it is.  it's all in our perspective.  as i shifted my perspective, spinning in circles soon became a lot more fun.  like we were on a giant merry go round and we were going dang fast.  so i thought that was really cool.  it's just one of the many times a day my girl teaches me and most days i feel like she teaches me way more than i teach her. 



after her bath at night i wrap her up like a mummy and steal as many kisses as i can, tonight i was sure i was going to eat her cute little cheeks off.  she oh so seriously looked at me and said "mom, you can't eat my cheeks.  you can eat celery though."  oh how i love her.



i have been blessed with the worst sinus infection of my life (well or maybe the only one, not sure)
and i'm not being sarcastic.  it truly has been my wake up call to slow the hell down and start putting my true priorities first.  you see i like to live in a little town called Denial and somehow i'm realizing that this place is just not working out for me.  i like to be in denial and think that i can do everything, and i can't.  it's impossible.  so i'm striving for balance and not perfection.  i like this new town called Reality, its' kinda weird cause i don't really know my way around, but i'm gonna know it like the back of my hand in no time.  i'm gonna know everyone and live in a yellow house and know that sucky things happen and thats okay because i know it's not about the sucky things but how i will rise to the occasion and get through the obstacles.  thats what counts.





so i'm introducing my 30 days til 30 project.  it is about self improvement and working on the things that truly matter.  we shall see where this goes, i can't wait!!

a post a day, with  inspiration and mindfulness everyday

hello day one, i welcome you with an open heart


Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.



Walter Anderson
 
and let me say that this would not be possible without the love, kindness and encouragement from my wonderful husband.  i love you Adam  
 "i love it when you contain me" -perfect couples
(we are soooo the cool couple)

back home

Home is not where you live but where they understand you. ~Christian Morgenstern

composition

Today i was starting to take this picture and i overheard a woman say to her friend "i'm sorry i'm not listening right now, i'm too consumed with this picture being taken"  i looked over after taking a couple shots and smiled.  she said "that is going to be a great picture, good composition".  now  i don't know who the heck that lady was or what she did, but i'd like to think she was some famous artist or musician and i really loved that she admired my "good composition" because this whole photography thing still feels so new to me and i crave positive feedback like some kind of crackwhore.   I still feel like i have no idea what i'm doing most of the time and i'm just kinda like a musician playing by ear and not even knowing what notes are.  And it feels good most of the time, just trusting my crazy instincts and not my camera settings or a photography degree (although i think that would be really nice). 




i think composition is all about balance, and that makes sense because when i follow my instincts i always find balance. 

and i really can't think of anything else to say except that i'm really happy and so is my girl
and i can't think of anything more important than that.


goodnight


we love and miss you daddy, see you soon and we'll be one big happy family!!







“As the traveler who has lost his way, throws his reins on his horse's neck, and trusts to the instinct of the animal to find his road, so must we do with the divine animal who carries us through this world”


Ralph Waldo Emerson

an unconventional day

this morning bayley woke up at 4:35.  strangely, i felt quite rested and alert.
she was hungry and wide awake, talking, singing, bringing her daddy her toy cars in bed. 
i waded through the kitchen as i searched for snacks
i glanced at all the dishes i had left from the day before and felt guilty.
"i should do these now" i thought,  so she ate and i rinsed and loaded the dishwasher and we made the best of the still, dark morning.  About 5:30 rolled around and she started acting nutty.  i knew it was time to go back to bed.  Yes!!! i felt like i hit a wall and needed more sleep.
but then the cat puked all over and i had to clean that up...
...loving that method brand disenfectant spray(green spray bottle at target)
I refilled bayley's warm honey milk,  tucked her in our bed (because she still comes in in the morning and i like it like that ) and felt that super relaxed, actually sleepy, comfy feeling i only feel maybe 4 times a year. 
she talked for a while, wrestled with her pillow and tried to get comfortable.
the cat puked again and i fell asleep.
we woke up at 9am.  i was still tired.
i cleaned up the cat puke and got breakfast for bayley.
off to my counseling appointment i went and was late because there was extra security on base and then there was an extra i.d check and i couldn't find my i.d. because i threw it in my purse and it happened to fall into the middle of my l.a. parent magazine.
the lady said they were suppossed to detain me if i didn't have my i.d.
i asked how long i could be detained for and was wondering if i could read a book too...?
some moments i really would like to be forced to sit alone for an alotted period of time with nothing to do...
what mother wouldn't, right?
the day plodded on
i came home later than expected and sensed adam was irritated
he watched bayley and then had to leave and work for 10 hours
i hope he got to eat his salad in peace and fly his remote control helicopter (i do think it's pretty cool and bayley loves it )
lunch consisted of a deli chicken, french bread and salad fixin's
usually when i make lunch i tear the whole kitchen up, boiling and frying, using all the burners on the stove
but today i needed simple, so the $6.95 rotisserie chicken was worth it's weight in "not so many dishes to do cause i'm feeling overwhelmed" and it was super tasty too.
so we had to run errands and i never plan them. 
i just leave the house, hopefully with some baby wipes and diapers in the back seat
and wing it, not really knowing exactly where i'm going or what i'm planning on accomplishing
crazy right?
it usually ends with me not finishishing what i hadn't planned in the first place and a very cranky child who starts acting like she's on some kind of methamphedamines.
tonight wasn't much different
except i embraced it all...
we started driving to the mall, bayley fell asleep and i called my friend rachel back and we discussed toddler illness as i sat in the target parking lot with the car running.
40 minutes later i realized i was on empty and i needed her to wake up, rachels phone died and i turned off the car.
i went into the mall expecting to pay my victorias secret bill and get paper plates at target, but i was distacted by baby gap and the oh so social homosexual sales clerk.
he got me so excited to come back in a week to see the new spring collection and i almost bought bayley a pair of "ultra" skinny jeans for $30. 
after my gap time warp wore off we went to the candy store and then rode the kiddie carousel
i felt guilty for all the time i wasted and had to induldge her
but then my shopping addiction came back and we headed into h&m
i left with a vintage blue and white flowered button down blouse and bright yellow leggings
the perfect new outfit for my girl that would photograph wonderfully.
we headed over to target where i browsed the aisles like i had all the time in the world
discussing with a fellow mom cleaning products (hello irony) and telling our toddlers to please not play with all the bottles because they have chemicals in them.
we left after bayley said "i'm really hungry mom" and i realized it was 6 oclock and dark outside
damn those indoor malls and the baby gap sales clerk
oh and my poor restraint
it was too late to go home and cook dinner so we headed to sharkeys and i got her a side of yams (her new favorite and mine too)
i got a side salad next door and we shared
bayley introduced me to the young lady in the booth next to us by throwing a napkin at her head and saying "she wants this" 
the lady was so kind and thanked bayley for the napkin, wiping her face with the dirty thing just to appease my girl.
bayley smiled.
she used to be a preschool teacher and is now a nanny
she is also going to ba a candidate for bayley's new babysitter because she also babysits occasionally on weekends and bayley LOVED her!! halleleuja!!
we finished dinner with a mini cone of candy cane gelato and headed over to kohls
i had a thought to buy her some pjs and then i could finish my errands and if she fell asleep, great
i bought her a royal blue batman lego top and dinosaur bottoms on the clearance rack for a grand total of $4
bayley asked if they were for big boys and i said anyone could wear batman and dinosaurs
i dressed her and had no guilty feelings about not giving her a bath because last night i read about the rash she had and it said to keep bathing to 3 times a week maximum.
we went to trader joes, i love them for thier samples the most i think
she got her cookie and i got to shop, once again in some kind of grocery heaven trance
finally the cookie was gone and my phones battery died so there was no more rugrats episode 13 for her to enjoy.
time was up
i put the bag of argentinian shrimp in the cart and darted to the checkout
the checker loved her mismatched "boyish" pajamas and wanted a pair for herself, i believed her
they are super cool
we left and i just knew she would fall asleep on the way home, she always does
and it was 9pm, way late and i bought her pjs just so i could let her sleep without disrupting her when we got home
wide awake as we pull onto our street
"we're home" she squeals happily
i am way too tired for our usual bedtime routine
i tell her she gets to fall asleep on the couch tonight while she watches a movie and she's excited.
i start putting away groceries and picking up toys.
she watches the entire movie "up" and gets 1/3 the way through snow white and just couldn't fall asleep
it's 11pm
i feel so bad for letting her stay up so late and ask her if she is ready to go to bed
she says yes, which has never happened
i lay her in her bed, cover her and get her another cup of milk
she is asleep within seconds...
many of our days are predictable...
breakfast, cartoons, play, nap, maybe an outing, dinner and then our bedtime routine
but sometimes i need more, i need something different and maybe she does too i'm not sure
all i know is that i always feel so guilty for upsetting the "norm" the usual happenings and regular things society tells us is right
and tonight after embracing the random evening of mismatched pjs and a way too late bedtime
i realized that its nice to do someting different, even if it doesn't seem "right"
ya i should have been keeping up on laundry and mopping (ugh, mopping should be illegal)
and putting my child to bed at 7:45, and cleaning my oven and planning meals and life...
but sometimes you just have to let life plan itself, and it makes for a much more interesting story.

valentine's

adam and i have this thing where we don't want to succumb to the whole consumerism part of valentines day. don't get me wrong, i love the target dollar bin holiday section and the craft store's valentine explosion.
we just don't like the whole way overpriced roses, menus, and tacky jewelry kinda thing.
and that's just us
to each his own
anyways,
i got flowers from the farmers market-red gerber daisies(my favorite)

and

today i:

stayed home and played grocery store with bayley

went out for pizza at "tony's" and ate outside by the firepit (perfect date, thanks honey)

and then had hot cocoa and walked down main street

what a beautiful, perfect, valentines day

love
love
love