Friday, July 22, 2011

right now

right now i'm hungry
i've been browsing recipes and stumbled upon a salvadorean sauerkraut called curtido that i really want to make
and i also want to try the combination of smoked salmon, creme fraich and dill on rye toasts
oh and we are moving to missouri
i've never been to missouri, and i've never lived outside of southern california
this is going to be quite an adventure

my brain feels like the new york city subway system, things coming and going and it basically feels like it will never stop.  unless something crashes, and that is quite likely.
between potty training, baby root canals, moving across country in a month and trying to remain in somewhat of a routine i feel um..........slightly overwhelmed.  and i'm really good at being overwhelmed, sometimes i think i secretly like it or thrive on it.  except now, i really don't want to feel so crazed.  i'm trying to accept the fact that life isn't going to be "done" until i die.  and even then i will move onto a different life or realm with a different definition of "done". 
i'm always thinking "oh i'll be so happy when___________ happens"  but the more i wish ______ to happen the more i'm wasting away my present moment.   and there is always beauty in the present moment.
 i often get caught up in a really happy moment and want to bottle it up and put it on a shelf.  maybe thats why i have 2000 pictures i've taken from this month alone.  being in the present moment is the easiest thing and the hardest thing.  it requires no material objects, and it can be done anywhere with anyone or no one. i believe that the present moment is awareness and an honesty with oneself.   and that can be painful. 
sometimes i will be watching bayley play and dance and sing and i love it so much that it actually hurts sometimes because i know that it won't be that way forever.  so i have to remind myself of the delicate balance of it all.  being in the moment, planning for a beautiful future and knowing that the past exists only to teach us. 


Our life depends on the kind of thoughts we nurture. If our thoughts are peaceful, calm, meek, and kind, then that is what our life is like. If our attention is turned to the circumstances in which we live, we are drawn into a whirlpool of thoughts and can have neither peace nor tranquility.

Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica

bayley said "mom come look!!"  and this is what i found


"this is such a pretty world"   -bayley


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