confidently

Here is a letter to everyone. You open it. It says, Live. ~Rumi

lately i have been doing a lot of tweaking in the parenting department.  i have been trying to see what works the best and what i can throw out the window.  my best friend is confidence and trusting what really feels right for me in my heart.  only then am i able to enforce what i believe in with conviction.  this is huge, kids have a sixth sense and can tell when we are weary.  when i am having a tough time i try to channel my inner motivational speaker.  who would you rather take direction from, joel olsteen or hitler? does a screaming dictating parent usually get the results they want? i haven't seen it happen, and i've been to walmart many a times.  but joel and oprah, they've got audiences beaming with enthusiasm.  a nice balance of kindness, firmness and confidence is what's working for me. 

A good day

My cleaning frenzy started early. I actually got 8 hrs of sleep last night so i woke up feeling great. We stayed home. It rained. We watched movies and I let Bayley play on the iPad too long. We snacked and drank chocolate milk. Bayley changed her dress 4 times. She took a mid day bath and splashed all over after I'd cleaned the bathroom. I felt the baby move. She helped me make dinner and we ate lentils, acorn squash and spinach and didn't watch tv. We talked. Yesterday morning she asked me over breakfast"so mama, what was your dream about?"
And this evening over dinner she asked me if boy mermaids have penis'. Hmmm that was a tough one, but I guessed yes. Then she told me girls have "paginas". Oh I love the innocence of this age. I Didn't yell today. I was confident and firm. I felt like I did a really good job today in the mom department. I felt balanced and I like that. I'm laying in bed under clean sheets listening to the rain. Yesterday was a busy day with new friends and I think it fueled me. And I'm nesting for sure. I just hope this continues. Adam comes home on Friday and I'm so glad because I need my other half.
Goodnight

I remember

I remember looking at Bayley as a little baby, lying next to her in bed watching her sleep. I remember thinking "I never want to forget this"
I thought the exact thought tonight as I laid beside her.
I don't ever want to forget her chubby cheeks that I kiss all day, chipped fingernails, bangs that are growing out, wearing a princess dress every single day, "mama, can I have a treat?"
Her singing at the top of her lungs as we grocery shop, her curiosity, the way she loves an audience watching her dance, the way she will try so hard to get me to lighten up and laugh when I'm being too serious-oh how I need that! The way she teaches me how to live life on purpose and to be true to myself.

Oh how I cherish these days!!